Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 Lesson Leftovers

Oddtober III Leftovers:
You are weird if you’ve sold your sole but still wear the same shoe.

You are weird if you use your toothbrush to style your teeth.

You are weird if you use onion juice as shampoo.

You are weird if you use mannequins instead of clothes hangers.

You are weird if you keep kerosene in your back pocket in case someone wants to light a fire under you.

You are weird if you give out apples with razers in them so folks will have something to peel the apples with.

Getting picked last isn't as weird as getting picked 631st.

Other Lesson Leftovers:
Islands are so selfish. Uslands tho, that’s what I want to visit.

Soon plants will sway in the wind disproportionate to the amount of wind being blown.

Print out all your e-mails, place them in envelopes, & put them in your mailbox tonight to make yourself feel special tomorrow.

Those who stand for everything force you to fall for anything.

Shadows are darkness walking.

Pillow salesmen smother the back of people’s heads.

As dangerous as walking around with a VR headset on may be it does prevent you from smashing your face.

Sports are fun on fields but if they were played in forests they would be even better! We have the camera technology. Let’s do it. And sports on courts could be done instead in jail cells & that’ll make pro-athletes who are criminals no problem.

Don'tcember Leftovers:
Don't go door to door trying to sell your soul. The only people who will buy it have big gates.

Don't tarnish your legacy, varnish your legacy.

Don't have a skunk as a pet unless you keep it in a bubble boy bubble.

Don’t jump out of a plane without a parachute unless you’re a bird. Birds, don’t wear parachutes, they’ll just slow you down. But birds, if you really want to, be sure the parachute is bird sized.

Don't use glass soda bottles for bowling, they're not bowls!!

Don't loan your phone to a fish, they can't talk or text or play games & your phone will get wet.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

+=- Octomop Replacement Savages

Ice pipe walking into news silo. Home grasp cat a tropic funnel breeze order. A land of W sandwiches, which is made of sand? Sand is made of which? Behaving salad coaching in Allisonsota. Muggers caught on camera mugging at mugs then stealing their cocoa. I'lll alllow this map to grow with undying privllledges.

A tripping hedge. Pee-wee's living speed bumps. Cowcats on the range. Stop cooking those beef kitties! The tree was angry that it couldn't get a job at the post office, all the jobs were taken by humans. All that paper was creepy too.

I'm not buying a pair of keet unless it's BOGO.

If night time were a camp we'd all follow mugger's luggage rules.
..the number 4, the one after 3 & waaay before 196.2
If eggs had scabs would you eat them?
What other kind of preference is there other than a personal preference? One imposed by the state?

Wrist watches with hair pieces. Shoulder watches with a full hair.

Real wreath running rippingly reminder chalice. Disclairity for daytime series of golf ledge ocean wishing engines. This is not a downtown hat.

Frozen toast identifies as windows.
Laughing mask doesn't make a sound.
Amazing numbers are free to flourish unnamed, all named with no end.
Megascule tightening air in outerspace.
Dumbo eating gumbo talking mumbo jumbo while watching Columbo.
All lightning banks burn down.
Skiing on slopes of light.
Mocking ultracabbage friendships.
Parachute gun.
Typing "ladder"
Reorganized tray of smooth round rock shaped ice.
Silk mobile caption.
Pilgrimage keys swirling dynastic overage.
Who walks well known tree skirts?

Scissor panicking about tarp. Underwater violinist. Drowning honey. Octomop replacement savages. Pair or scope raveling chair minus huge limbo stick raining cabbage juice simulat. Copy that. Paste that. W shivvers. Nonogon smelt deity lunch rafters barn bowling scepter Schlumpm Schlump, Katool! Abridged squint sloshing. Dogs barking at notches in coat. Symbolgy garish heirmisalignedloom shadow kibble unjust borrowing knickers. No one tries bumping butterfly caskets off of noctobreakfast canuck nooks. Manually hunting to establish a desired average sized bowl of bug cereal. Tyrannosaurs blessed. Extinguished coal breadth. Neight. Dust is watching. Dust is waiting. Dust has given up on the mission.

Keep On Truckin' and...

Keep On Truckin'
Keep on Armored Carin'
Keep on Automobilein'
Keep on Hang Glidingin'
Keep on Mid-size Sports Utility Vehiclein'
Keep on Hovercraftn'
Keep on Teacup Riden'
Keep on Magic Carpetin'
Keep on Falkorn'
Keep on Airforce Onein'
Keep on Tankin'
Keep on Soap Box Racerin'
Keep on Busin'
Keep on Ambulancein'
Keep on Battleshipin'
Keep on Biplanein'
Keep on Blimpin'
Keep on Chariotin'
Keep on Chopperin'
Keep on Wagonin'
Keep on Eighteen-wheelerin'
Keep on Elevatorin'
Keep on Escalatorin'
Keep on Fire Enginein'
Keep on Four-Door Sedanin'
Keep on Freighterin'
Keep on Frigatein'
Keep on Gondolain'
Keep on Harvesterin'
Keep on Hearsein'
Keep on Houseboatin'
Keep on Jalopyin'
Keep on Jumbo jetin'
Keep on Stretch Limoin'
Keep on Locomotivein'
Keep on Ocean Linerin'
Keep on Oil Tankerin'
Keep on Rickshawin'
Keep on Segwayin'
Keep on Semiin'
Keep on Ski Liftin'
Keep on Submersiblein'
Keep on Thresherin'
Keep on Tractor-trailerin'
Keep on Tramin'
Keep on Tricyclin'
Keep on Trolleyin'
Keep on Vanin'
Keep on Vespain'
Keep on Vesselin'
Keep on Yachtin'
Keep on Zamboniin'
Keep on Zeppelinin'

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

+=- All my clocks on a bridge

"Your Password needs to be at least 6 characters."
Ok um let’s see.. Wilbur Cobb, President Millard, Karnov, FedEx Pope, Royce McCutcheon, Dorf plays golf, NOT Dorf goes fishing, that is not the same Dorf I grew up with…

[In a Metropolis Chatroom]:  It doesn't matter if you've never seen Clark Kent & Superman at the same time. I've never seen you & me at the same time either! That doesn't mean we're the same person!
Of course I know what I'm doing. I was doing this back when you were in diapers! Because you dressed as a baby on Halloween 2016.

Does anyone hold the world record for most editions of the Guinness Book of World Records read in one day? & yeah I know if I went for the record I'd find out!

All my clocks were made in Mexico. So in November when they told me to set my clocks back I thought they meant vote for Trump.

I met this guy who had his hand over his heart & thought, "That gentleman really love America." Turns out he was having a heart attack. But I like to think it was both.

Love doesn't make sense. Love is better than cents it's dollars.

I take people personally & rocks rocksonally.

Video I don’t have the time, strength, friends, or money to make:
A medieval monk dramatically drowning a cabbage where both the monk & cabbage wear googly eyes & ‘ot 6 mustaches

Why does this bathroom always smell like crap? Oh right

He was always afraid I'd steal his car. So I figured why let those fears go to waste. Being afraid is half the misery, so why not go through with it, officer.

Danger Level (lowest to highest):
• Falling on a bridge
• Falling off a bridge
• Falling through a bridge
• Falling up from a bridge into outer space
• Falling up through a bridge into outer space
• Falling up through a bridge into outer space but also hitting an aeroplane on the way up
• A large meteor hits an aeroplane & then hits you after you fell through a bridge
• Falling through a bridge as a meteor hurdles towards you then gravity reverses & you fall up through the bridge again as you begin burning in the atmosphere gravity reverses again & the meteor follows you down through the bridge

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Piemerican Phonetic Numerals

A as in Alpha, B as in Bravo… the phonetic alphabet is helpful for understanding what letters are being verbally conveyed. To close out No.vember, I present such a system that I have devised for numbers!

0 as in Oh no, please no! Why!? #ElectionNight2016
1 as in One Night Stand, that boring "magic trick" David Blaine did where he just stood up all night.
2 as in Too Legit to Quit
3 as in 3 Men and a Baby
4 as in Forthright
5 as in 5 dollar bill, y'know the one with Lincoln on it. The one made out of paper.
6 as in 666, because if you say it 3 times it's obvious you're saying six
7 as in 7 fingers
8 as in I just ate an eight
9 as in No
10 as in 2
11 as in the number that rhymes with seven that isn't .7
12 as in a non-baker's dozen
13 as in T Minus 13 seconds
14 as in a teen that is also a fort
15 as in 9+5-6÷8x42-26.4-.7+.1
16 as in "16! She said she was 18, I swear!"
17 as in the front half of the Titanic
18 as in "Congratulations you're old enough to no longer need my help clarifying number pronunciations!"
19 as in the age of your mother's new boyfriend, no not that one, the other one, yeah Francisco, no no, Francisco L., ok just forget it! I'm not getting into middle initials!
20 as in XX
21 as in the past tense of "20 wins!"
22 as in twenty also
23 as in the reason you quit your job at the daycare, twenty 3 year olds
24 as in 24 Seven, the guy named Seven who wears #24 in that popular sports club
25 as in draw and quarter
26 as in 2016 without the teen
27 as in 5 high fives & 1 high two
28 asa ina 28a incha suba sandwicha
29 as in "29 dollars! I could get this for half that price online! Ah but then you have to wait for the shipping. Ugh, alright, I'll take it, but I'm not happy. Look deep into my scowl & remember this before you go to sleep at night!"
30 as in 4/8 an hour
31 as in when you say, "Bear with me" to someone & they say, "Hey Boo-Boo!" then the number of seconds it takes you to remember what Boo-Boo's voice sounds like.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

+=- No tastetrack in sub-mid-air (with artificial nodding)

A Puckett Noctobadge keeps cops from sleeping. The new homing pie finds your face when you’re hungry. Fire pauses ellipses fractals in undersky moons.

Desks & crime scissors vaccinate hollow varnish tomatoes. My disfavorite outgredient. No Noam gnomes need nacho neglect. Staleness. Can clown cars be made into mobile homes? Alphabet soup & soggy crosswords. Night knives glow in the lard & in the dark & in the Shockolate® lard. RR R&R. No sound costumes. Lips with ingrained vocal boxes aren’t room temp with whistling. Lean on water. Tear or? Tear or? Six sheathes buttering.

Walk mix level, rovering. Cardboard marching band loses tension while marching through pond & dismusically float away with no tastetrack. Open umbrella in an envelope doesn’t keep the envelope dry. Dry water far out of a wheelbarrow, in sub-mid-air, then below-air & above-air.

Owning the wrong half of the world’s Velcro with Fabrishe elbow juggling. An evening stroll through trip wire. Rowing down the window on the row boat. Your diaper vest will drown you. A pair of cawing lumber. Left finger on right hand. Right finger on left hand. No with no oh, a no oh no.

Calmerness float flop spiral general. Uninitiated mop who made ground envelopes nervous. My computer hit the mother-load 3 weeks ago & it’s still loading. A face fire nudge loner-lapsed. Nomenclature barrage!! The Tearer Terror rips things up & down! He even rips sideways if you anger him by nanana looping forced texture fields. A buyer of not hovers; claws waverly bundling, not arms, not eyes.

A van of sauce crashes into spaghetti canyon. A helicopter with noodle blades crashes too. The crashing cooks it. Fire roasted tomatoes!

The sun rises over Cabbage Mtn & things begin to smell.

Freeze dried then fire wetted caramel broccoli. Artificial nodding. Cousin bird in the wrong tree. Periscope knives in 3D.
A cat got my tongue as it flew by in a tornado. I wish my tongue was stronger so it could have saved him & so I’d still have a tongue.
3 knights in the jungle, at least they have shade.
Tremulant anti-voxel diatribe spork. The Leaping Nudge. Overalls made of long johns.

Plastallic mitten salad or am I eating without a fork?
Envelope carcass.

Putting crayons in an envelope into the summer mail to create abstract art.
I’m not banging my head but I’m falling down as if I were.
Why doesn't Roomba make a moebile mop like the ones in Fantasia?
You look like you fold capital Hs real well.

Elk running towards backwards. A 9 collar rack of pugilist scarves. A frosted bark team acknowledged druthersless microphones. Kneeling while pushing a shopping cart to curry favor & buggy curry. Owl runs in putty. Walking camera in desert make of toaster-leave-ins. Wonder peel night kelp. Cookabur floating in a bubble. Height light spanning chili operas.

Washing needles, deep pool is a portal. Water wings nosh. Buried satellite in space. Being private to ourselves. Loose leaf soap. Tinsel toothbrush. Off duty mop. Nudging wiggles. Terraformed clock.

No one in the barn, just threes here. I wish you well because bottled water is ecch! I hope you keep 5 numbers in your back pocket & none of them are 5. Carrots in the fridge as decorations. Weather stripping mall. Spell your middle initial starting with the 3rd letter. The boring bowling ball in the wind.

Monday, July 4, 2016

+=- I'm room temp with that

Here is the farmicon system of end thoughts, revised.

This mouse has a red wheel just like my car.. Oh no I've said too much!
 No one has asked me if I want fries with that at a restaurant in years, probably because I buy 6 sandwiches just for myself. The McDonalds golden arches make you think of their French fries. Yeah they make you wonder if the arches & the fries are made out of the same material.

If it's ok to say I'm great & great is better than good, it should be ok to say I'm doing good instead of I'm doing well.

1: How many pounds does it weigh?
2: I don't know are you talking paper or coins?

I didn't spent a dime on it. I don't have that kind of exact change laying around.

I don't count, I ABC.

Stranger: What are you doing now?
Me: killing..
Me: time..
Me: travelers

Emotional long johns

Swear word of the day: Oath

1:  Have you heard of the The Hunchback of Notre-Dame?
2:  Doesn't ring a bell.

I have some bad news.. There was this blimp called the Hindenburg, it crashed & lots of people died.

Ghost of acrobatic skeletons

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Yeah that's right I'm the most grateful person you've ever met, Thank you Thank you Thank you

I'm a man of few

Superfluous super crochet hickey

I'm not good at thinking on the fly because it always crushes the fly & thinking on guts is eww.

1: Funner is not a word.
2: Then how did you just say it?

1: I'm Franky Bytheway.
2: Cool last name.

Carts will hide hiccups for golden fawnphilishes.

Walruses will design toasters to toast their tusks.

If I had a hash tag for every time I typed # I'd assume my keyboard was functioning properly.

1: I think the transitive nature of style makes it uncool because it doesn't stand the test of time.
2: Well I think transience creates nostalgia which ultimately makes trendy styles even more valuable.
3: Well I think I’m poor so it doesn’t matter to me. & I also think you both look stupid.

We better get #helmets. That's not a hash tag. That's a face guard.

1: Well if they can do all that more power to them.
2: No not more power to them. More power to me, they have enough power. I need that power!

“How come every time I walk into a shoe store I never see any shoes shopping? What? They are shopping but the shoes are wearing people! Well then why are only shoes for sale in a shoe store? Is it a slavery thing? Eww, don’t shop at shoe stores they promote slavery!”
So now if anyone ever tells you shoe stores promote slavery you’ll know their thought process.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Corpse storage locations that are worse than caskets

Bouncy House
Fish Tank/Aquarium
Mall Fountain
Koi Pond
Flag Pole
Carnival Rides
Lawn Chair
Jello Mold
Pool Table
Mashed Potatoes sans Gravy
Petting Zoo
Produce Isle
At the End of a Rope
On a Cross
Basketball Hoop
Pee Wee Football Field
Inside Another Human Carcass
Out Yonder
Behind Anything

Friday, May 13, 2016

Apps we desperately need

• App you sign promising you won't press charges so you can fight people legally
   Includes video with face tracking that makes sure contract is not signed under duress
• Redwood tree app
   plant a redwood tree and simulate its growth since it will be growing long after you're dead
• The Flavor of Colors
   Discover What flavor a color of food is. what fruit is the red Skittle? what flavor is this brand of green popsicle? Are all M&Ms really the same flavour?
• Twigslist
   find Twigs to glean from other people's yards
• Add your ant farm to Google Maps

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Food as clothing and accessories, Worse to do while completely underwater, Reasons cobras hate lemons

Food as clothing and accessories
• Gutted fish fanny pack
• Onion goggles
• Spaghetti chain mail
• Mini-Stack of Pringles in place of a watch
• Creamed corn foundation
• Half watermelon shoes
• Grapefruit elbow pads
• Chocolate thong

Worse to do while completely underwater
• Blowing up or playing with balloons
   They keep floating to the top & you keep drowning
• Chopping wood
• Changing a tire
• Putting on lotion
• Conference calling
• Cooking soup
• Cracking eggs
• Walking your dog

Reasons cobras hate lemons
• Cobras are carnivorous.
• I keep throwing lemons at them, stupid cobras

Monday, May 2, 2016

+=- Heading to the Footer

Dresser drawers organized from top of body down:
Windex flavored chainmails
Vampire Capes
Fishnet Cummerbunds
Government Issued Chaps
Porcelain Dress Socks
(Warning! System does not work for overalls, underalls, or floor length neck ruffs.)

Natural Grease
Who needs hair gel when you've got natural grease? Use it to fix squeaky doors (please do not get hair stuck in door hinge).
Get my new book "Harnessing the power of your natural grease."
Follow my 2 step guide:
1. Skip Showers.
2. Put meat on yo head.

Windows on Windows
I don't care about the Apple Watch or the Google Glass. I'm still waiting for Microsoft Windows on my actual windows.

It'll tell you what breed of dog walks by, keep an Excel spreadsheet of what time the mailman comes. You can display a wallpaper to let you feel like you live in a better neighborhood.

Eventually you can upgrade to the touch screendoor, which I think would actually be easier to create because it's got the pixel squares already built in.

Nights of the Week:

Ghost Sheet Scariness Countdown:
4. Flowery Sheet
3. Polka dot sheet
2. Plain white sheet
1. Soiled white sheet

Cool Names:
Greg Gary
Dede Dea
Charlie Lee
Leon Aerol (Lee on a roll)
Hiya Heyman

+=- I can't keep .

I blame my obesity on exposure to second hand smoke, second hand BBQ smoke.

I'm drug & alcohol free even if it's free.

These walls block all UV rays! (Bouncing light not included)

How many woodchucks would Chuck chuck if Chuck could chuck woodchucks?

Sorry but we can't afford to get you a pony but we can get you a ponytail.

How many 14th century Turks does it take to screw in a light bulb in the 14th century?

I think it is great that people don't use the names of famous killers as names for their kids. No one today is ever named Genghis, Adolph, OJ, Ted, Jeffrey, or Jim.

Have you realized that your mom telling you about starving kids in Africa has made you overweight?

🕮👀😢 = "I'm illiterate."

My daughter is amazing. The first time she picked up an orange crayon she could draw shredded cheese.

Frisbees are sports tortillas. That is why they are so hard, because sports humans have hard muscles.

Celebrate Grave Digging Day, because a funeral is never goodbye.

At the end of the year I would like to run for Student Council President & lose horribly, just for fun?

As the hosts, we had to set things up & set things down.

I don't know who this Hitler guy was but he must not have been particularly bad to have had so many people compared to him.

People act like participation trophies are a bad thing. There weren't participation trophies when I was growing up & I didn't participate. These trophies are an incentive to participate. How else are you going to get apathetic kids to do something as pointless as sports? News flash, adults get participation trophies too, it's called a wage. If you didn't get paid, you wouldn't work for competition & victory or love of the game

I bought a folding chair for my laundry room. It must be defective. It hasn't folded a single article I've put on it.

On average, Americans eat 18 acres of pizza every day. If I had more money that number would rise significantly.

I can't keep   .
[The joke of the title is I can't keep up but there is no "up" in the title because I couldn’t keep it.]

©? Piemerica 2001, 2002, 2006 & latter years

Thursday, April 21, 2016

What's the worst thing you've ever done? or #LateShowConfessions

I started writing this as a list of "What's the worst thing you've ever done?" but soon after The Late Show with Stephen Colbert began having Late Show Confessions & I began to write & submit some as those.

Newly Written
I abandoned my car in a no parking zone.
I believed It's Not Butter®.
I had a relative I didn't like so I drained him of all his blood so we'd no longer be blood related.
I only befriend vegans so I can say, "Where's the beef?" more often.
After 25 years I finally stopped watching The Simpsons. Now I watch the new couple who moved into their house next door.
My favorite book is the bible but only because it's the one book I can claim as my favorite without being expected to have read the whole thing.
My lifelong dream is to have my tweet read on tv. It was very hard to explain for those 1st 20 years.
I think Sgt. Pepper is a horrible album & an even worse pepper.
God has never woken me up during church & that is why I believe He loves me.
If my phone dies I recharge it & ask it about the afterlife. If it doesn't answer, I let it die again
I feed the homeless but only so I can follow them afterwards & find out where they go #2.
I like to leave letters addressed to my mailman in my mailbox just so he knows I know where he lives too.
I say I run marathons but in reality, I've only served in a secondary administrative capacity for a single fun run.. & it wasn't that fun.
I demand my pancakes be stacked side by side like records in a jukebox. It's easier to get them syrupy.
I've typed lol without actually laughing out loud because I like to wear a recreational gag.

Recycled & rewritten

I only let people off an elevator before me because it's the sole scenario where I'm thanked for doing nothing.
I once ate crackers on toast & didn't sweep up after myself.
I prefer resting to being interesting.
I only say "Have a great day!" to my calendar.
When I tell people I have a photographic memory I'm actually talking about my digital camera.
I started to write the quitter's anthem but gave up half way through.
I once jumped off a bridge then all my friends did too, I was the only survivor.
Whenever I take a stroll in heavy rain I pee freely.
I like to say, "Hey the sun looks weird today" just to get people to look up & hurt their eyes.
If someone says, "I've gotta pee." I ask them, "What are you going to spell with it?"
I think OJ did it & by "it" I mean tasted great!
The 1st time I heard a police siren I thought R2-D2's crazy cousin was on the loose.
Truth is I'm only 1/3 vegan because I don't eat meat while I'm asleep.
The reason I eat so much on my birthday is because I want to actually feel a year older when I’m done eating.

Recycled, not rewritten
I'm so much of a quitter I give up when I'm not even doing anything.
I swallow my pride for lunch because it always fills me up.
When I go to the buffet I don't stop eating til I lose consciousness.
I like to fill in awkward silences. Still awkward but no silence.
I don't make excuses, I just use them.
If you are what you eat then I'm a lot of things, but mostly food.
I really really really need to start using a thesaurus.
I'm a mad scientist because I'm not good at science.
I eat so much that I bring a paramedic with me to buffets.
I once said to a deaf man, "Don't believe everything you hear."
I helped an old lady cross the road.. into a euthanasia clinic.
I held a door open for someone.. at 40,000 feet, there were no survivors.
I use comedy as a mask to hide my unfunniness.
I can't afford dark chocolate so I just eat regular chocolate with the lights off.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

+=- Just in time for too late..

Hello rotisserie pig

"Let me lay down & fight" - Melody Joy, age 3

I'm so lazy I never say, "You're Welcome" because I feel like it would be dishonest to make people think they are welcome to my help again.

Pro:  I'm pro pro.
Apro:  I think things should be done for free.

2+2=4 but so does 3+1. And what if you pour buttery buffalo pesto all over the 4? It's still a four but now, if it were on a spacecraft (in space) some of the pesto might float off of it dramatically. Oooh the space rats, Daffodil & Wigsmatort will be surprised when they taste its firey flavour.

My influence compares to the darkest depths of the oceans.

Why would you be a rapper when you could be the candybar instead?

How many numbers are in 1? If you said 1, you're wrong, because there are infinite zeroes in 1.

You look like you need less cabbage in your life. You can time potato yellowing?

I've eaten shark or was that the other way around?


Oh I mind & I tum too.

"It's like everyone else is a salt water fish & I'm a tarragon fish." He said happily.

I do have a very forgettable face, said no one, because they had already forgotten it before they could speak.

The real question is who would win a fight between Robin & Jimmy Olson.

Whoever has the colloquial idiolect to impress me with their lexiconical vernacular is ok in my papery thing with lots of papers in a harder paper.

I am a good man, I only play people the world's regularest sized violin.

I wish I was still an ape. Dumb scientists testing that shampoo on me!

A pile of oats reaches just as many coils as a trudge in mellow yellow.

I like to borrow tacos & just use the lettuce for cobb salads.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Jubilant January - Lesson Leftovers

The best part about your boyfriend cheating on you with your best friend is that your second best friend will love you even more.

The great thing about life being a path to death is that the journey is more fun than the destination.

The great thing about being a virgin, is that if a homophobe nick names you "Mary" you can call yourself Virgin Mary, one of the most beloved figures in history.

The great thing about junk on the floor is that it slows down home invaders & makes snails leave 4.3-79.9% less slime on the rug.

The great thing about dirt is that you can't get it dirty.

Friday, January 22, 2016

15 years of Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day

Today's the 15th anniversary of Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day. In those 15 years there have been 2,272 lessons. Right now I've had 512 consecutive days with a new lesson. To Sadebrate here is the top lesson of each year!

2001:  Some people will never learn. The sad thing is most of those people go to school.
2002:  If you have a problem don't use an escalator.
2003:  When arguing at sea don't go overboard.
2004:  Up & Down are opposites & that's why they like each other.
2005:  Remember always safety first.. well actually always remember first.
2006:  Lighting in the sky is like God taking pictures of us.
2007:  Not all hillbillies are named Billy but they are all related to him.
2008:  Super is supper with one ‘p’ that is how good supper is you see.
2009:  In athletics often pros are cons.
2010:  There are stupid questions but stupid questions are better than stupid statements.
2011:  Fun Food Fact: The Hamburger was named after the French and Indian War.
2012: They say "diamonds are a girl's best friend." Unfortunately for most girls they are imaginary friends.
2013:  Every cloud has a silver lining except the ones drawn with the cheap box of crayons. Those just have gray linings that we pretend are silver.
2014:  You are rich if you hire a narrator to narrate all of your actions just in case your actions don't speak louder than your words.
2015:  You are weird if you fear death.. will never find a good woman to settle down with.

& here is what I consider the greatest lesson of all time.
If a thug draws a knife on you wash it off.