Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Fornitude Flotsams: Enornal Thirtiford

I'm like an American Hero because I use the bathroom just like they do. & I'm like a genius! Because like all geniuses I've never tasted the minor planet Aakashshah.

I picked up a magazine about "100 people who changed the world." To my disappointment it was mostly gardeners.

Tell your grandkids to tell their grandkids to expect the package in 6-8 lifetimes. 

I don't have a musical bone in my body. Yeah, I have all my marrow.

I resist a rest when I'm not tired.

I am out of my mind because my mind is in me.

If only bears were as confident as you, we'd all be dead. Good thing bears are still self-loathing. That is why they sleep so much.

Cats taught me everything I know, except "what aren't cats like?" Well I guess they did teach me that inversely.

My me loves that!

I don't read Spanish, though I speak it perfectly. I'm semi-bi-illiterate.

You cloud wearing, egg thumping, Charminavores!

[You are my laugh track.]

So the point of these new smart watches is now when you have to put down your phone to hug someone you can keep your addiction going by looking at the watch behind their back? If not that is a good marketing idea. You can hug while discretely reading this very post.

I think cows & pigs & chickens are ruining the planet by being so tasty & thus making us fat. They evolved tastiness so they could survive by us breeding them because they didn't much fancy being hugged like dogs & cats do. It is actually meat eaters that have prevented these animals from going extinct.

Having living animals in your pie is the healthiest way to eat because the sport of it lends vigorous exercise. If you have gorilla pie with living gorilla in it make sure he has a less than 3 day life expectancy or else he'll be too strong for all humans.

You look like you could fit in my hat.

vanity bucket

My ghost is my spirit animal.

What a coincidence! It's New Years day & my first band was named New & I live in years!

Who's the nicest person you've ever.. kicked in the family jewels?
Mine was the first pope, then he made a whole rule about popes & priests & nuns not having kids to cover his embarrassment. I did it because he wouldn't let me wear his pope hat. I don't take nope from a pope.

I don't think I know everything but I do think I know a decent bit about things I care to know. Knowing everything is boring. Knowing something is what's awesome.

Once & a half

I'm from the corner of here & now.

The twist ending is love.

+=- Just in time for now!

MAR:  My therapist says, "I'll be your therapist if you pay me."
MD:  Don't they all?
MAR:  Not the French ones. They speak French.

I’m good at keeping secrets. It's getting secrets I have the problem doing...

When you're reincarnated you can be a dead cat & a living man at the same time. And I unoffensively use the word "man" in the way woodland creatures would use the term while be threatened by deforestation.

Frozen Ghost

I saw your video. I have that same remote! The ransom is set at 5 Gs.

Double Mono

That's what they call in the window business a window.

Unfolded Folder

Opposites matter:
Breaking into someone's house.
Breaking out of someone's house.

Gouda tastes go….. swell.

Live from New York City, Pennsylvania

I have feelings in my appropriate innards.

Nature would love it if we burned down these trees. I'm referring to Cousin Nature, because Mother Nature is all like, "Don't kill the trees!"
When I was a kid we didn't have windows, we could only stare outside by looking under the crack of the door.

YouNow is a video auction site where you can bid on things in people's houses.

I'm just gonna go outside & watch the real star wars. Sucka stars don't ever do anything unless comets are flyin'.

I only use wicker spoons.