Tuesday, July 28, 2015

+=- |up|

The answer in short is yes,  in slightly less short is yeah, in medium is indeed.

Does your middle name get jealous of your first name?
M D: I'm more of a sausage person than a bacon person.
MAR:  I look more sausagy than bacony too, rounded forearms & all.  

People think it is silly when I say, "Back in my day.." yet they have no problem asking "How was your day?"
You're the reason I think I had a day!

This is the end of the day's trail for the old sandusky spike cruller.
I rank my day as somewhere between a kaleidoscope of only oranges & a ziplock bag of water, like 6/7ths full. 
1:  How did you sleep?
2:  Horizontally

Shut up = |up|

Monday, July 27, 2015

+=- Fresh Anchors



I'm no expert when it comes to communication. I don't even know what a pert is, so there's no way I coulda been one.

Cats taught me everything I know, except "what aren't cats like?" Well I guess they did teach me that inversely.

I am older than most peaches at the grocery. At least I hope so.

I'm so old I've got grandkids.. of my mother, otherwise known as my kids.

Some say talking to me is like pulling teeth. They're right. It should only be done by professionals. #TheyreComingToTakeMeAwayHaHaaa

They don't let me near zebras… of course they don't let anybody else near them either.

Usually fingers don't fing but when they do ohohoh nelly, you better have a full size cabbage in your back pocket!

I am expressing my appreciation in this sentence, this sentence right here, the one you are reading now because you can only read now.

To say next to the least.. I'm fearless because I don't take up new fears.

I'm amusing & bemusing all rolled into 1 or however many I am.

M D:  Question
MAR:  I can answer those! :) Unless I don't know the answer :( .

You've gotta warn me next time & all the other next times after that.

MAR:  I checked & myiceweasel is ok with purple pens flying under Tampane Bridge mockups.
Char:  I actually have no idea what you are talking about
MAR:  No worries, I only have 1 idea what I'm talking about
Char:  really?
MAR:  Yeah but I lost it so I couldn't tell you what I meant anymore

I always wanted to talk to a block of ice that's why I do it regularly.

You're all so young. I've got antiques older than you.

I'm older than the oldest person you know by at least 3 days. If the oldest person you know disagrees with me I will fight them.

Questions are dumb & so are statements.

Why did the wallet throw away the man?
Because he was broke.

I'm half white, like a milk you'd throw away.

What do you call a cop without a mustache?
A kindergarten cop

Who's the nicest person you've ever.. kicked in the family jewels?
Mine was the first pope, then he made a whole rule about popes & priests & nuns not having kids to cover his embarrassment. I did it because he wouldn't let me wear his pope hat. I don't take nope from a pope.

I can read almost any language. I just don't know what the words mean or how to pronounce the properly.

Rubbing a bank using a guy named Rob is robbing a bank? or no?

People eat catfish but would you eat dogfish or peoplefish?

I'd only date you if I were an archeologist & you were bones.

The importance of punctuation inclusion.
M D:  What's your name
MAR:  No sorry, guess again.

My name is spelled with letters.

Would you like to hear a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down.. because i owed bullies money..?

A drama king is good at plays.

beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans
Sorry, looks like I spilled the beans.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Stupid Questions with Stupid Answers

Is a hot dog a sandwich?
No, because if I say, "Get me a sandwich woman!" She ain't ever comin' back with a hot dog.

What is it about death that you fear, exactly?
The skeleton face & the scythe, oh and the power to kill me.

Who says it can't be done? You know it can be done, don't you? If you want it enough, right?
You're right. Time to drown my neighbor's gerbils. I live next to a pet store.

Do you give more than you take? Or take more than you give?
I'm more of a stasis guy.

Who are your role models? How would they act in the situation you are in now?
They'd be like Wow! What is this fancy light book you have?

If you just go for it, what do you have to lose? Is the risk not smaller than doing nothing?
But I was going to take that self-amputation class first.

Are you waiting for permission? What permission do you think you need to move forward, and from whom?
Well those senators never answer my letters directly anyway. So.. It's time to invade Poland.

If you were to start a business, what would it be? What would it do? What would you need to have in place first?
If I started a business I'd be 100% owner so, none of your business.

If you have an important message to offer the world are you delivering it effectively?
No, I tweet it.

How much time have you spent in nature lately? Enough time to calm your mind and rejuvenate your soul?
Naw, there's bugs & dust out there.

If you could wave a magic wand and be anything, be anyone, who would you be?
I'd be a magic wand manufacturer so I could give wands to everyone but kids because they'd turn into cool monsters & accidentally eat their parents.

How do you best connect with others?
Through our Rigellian long protein strings.

What one piece of advice would you offer a newborn child?
Learn to speak English so you can eventually understand other people's advice.

Where would you rather be, than right here, right now?
A couple of minutes from now, but I'll wait.

Is there a supreme power?
Yeah supreme pizzas have a power over me.

What makes you, you?

Do you know that delayed gratification is one of the most powerful habits of successful individuals?
No, I was delaying learning about the most powerful habits of successful individuals. Thanks a lot spoiler!

Who did you make better today?
No one, I decided to quit cooking people after the first try. No taste is worth… that.

Is the country you live in really the best fit for you?
Is that a fat joke?

How old would you be if you did not know how old you are?
I'd be the same but stupid.

When it is all said and done, will you have said more than you have done?
That's the goal #LikeABoss

Where does the universe end?
In the universe?

Question 1 by Hannibal Burris, all others by @QuestionDeJour

Thursday, July 23, 2015

+=- Strange Man with Speaking Feature

I can't afford dark chocolate so I just eat regular chocolate with the lights off.

What is this "ios" I keep hearing about? Is it the cool new way of saying Cheerios?

Kid's Birthday Party Idea:
A Hindenburg themed party where a team of ninja archers blow into to the place to shoot down all the balloons with flaming arrows.

I'm gonna pretend like the space key on my keyboard is some kind of awesome futuristic key that has something to do with outerspace.

When in jail you can read toast with your left hand.

Can someone be bisexist? Bias against both sexes?

Having living animals in your pie is the healthiest way to eat because the sport of it lends vigorous exercise. If you have gorilla pie with living gorilla in it make sure he has a less than 3 day life expectancy or else he'll be too strong for all humans.

I'm a thing that can have words. You read any words today (other than these)?

I think you aight as blue bread ya dig?

You look like you could fit in my hat.

Tell your grandkids to tell their grandkids to expect the package in 6-8 lifetimes.

I knew you'd understand after you indicated that you concurred.

My ghost is my spirit animal.

I'm from the corner of here & now.

Fabric egg caller.
Chicken ghost eggs.

You look young.. enough to have been born in the past 65 million years. What do humans eat now? I gotta keep up appearances.

Rider Drive:  Good luck
MAR:  That's just the kind of luck I needed! How did you know? Are you my bayou bouncing billy goat baton bro?

If only bears were as confident as you, we'd all be dead. Good thing bears are still self-loathing. That is why they sleep so much.

One scratch on the screen & you can't read nil. Sure you can read longer words like kanoodle. But nil with the I & the L, it's hopeless.

L Ren:  -face palm-
MAR:  That would be one creepy hand & so unsanitary.

It is fun for people to have thinks about you in your thoughter.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

+=- I'm out of .

[You are my laugh track.]

I hold the world record for most hands. I have a whopping two. But the record is a 7 billion way tie. :'(

I picked up a magazine about "100 people who changed the world." To my disappointment it was mostly gardeners.

I love cracking seriousness with jokes.

So the point of these new smart watches is now when you have to put down your phone to hug someone you can keep your addiction going by looking at the watch behind their back? If not that is a good marketing idea. You can hug while discretely reading this very post.

I think cows & pigs & chickens are ruining the planet by being so tasty & thus making us fat. They evolved tastiness so they could survive by us breeding them. They didn't much fancy being hugged like dogs & cats do. It is actually meat eaters that have prevented these animals from going extinct.

Meowkaiser:  ikr?
MAR:  i don't know if you know

Does LoL stand for soccer?

don't be a pacifist, pass dat fist!

I'm like an American Hero because I use the bathroom just like they do.

MAR:  How many Irish sunsets have you seen while in a cave?
Kangi Andrew:  None you?
MAR:  None unless sleeping with your eyes open counts, then thirty-six-thousand. Oh sorry I'm thinking sunrises, of course I don't go to bed before sun sun sun.

pecans are apples for sailors?

Roman wants answers from Wyatt? That's like asking for a good comparative analogy from me.

I don't need to get used to. I've already got used to & right now.

Since June of last week

Stroons kick cactus nickels!

I'd like to punch the internet in it's wifi because that wouldn't hurt my hand!

MAR:  It would be a real surprise if someone literally "threw a surprise party" from like a giant catapult or something.
Lori:  And what would a thrown surprise party look like? U know so I can be on the lookout
MAR:  People & streamers falling from the sky but balloons falling up into the sky.

an arch of rebel wings?

Hunkering around

Time before eyelids

The twist ending is love.