Saturday, January 31, 2015

+=- Dust Carried to Land

I'm halfway to Mexico by now… from Canada because that is where I live.

The McDonalds golden arches make you think of their french fries. Yeah they make you wonder if the arches & the fries are made out of the same material.

I don't have a musical bone in my body. Yeah I have all my marrow.

I couldn't see a thing, unless black is a thing.

I resist a rest when I'm not tired.

I am out of my mind because my mind is in me.

I like to beat savages to the punch of kindness.

Salman: are you this random with everyone?
MAR: No, I haven't met everyone yet. People keep dying before I can finish my list.
MAR: I'll just pretend you're everyone who ever lived, except me. Boy you sure are all over the place, one minute you're Gandhiing & next minute you're Mussoliniing.
Salman: yeah, I am also being blown up and get born simultaneously
MAR: ♫♪We are the world... but mostly just you♫♪

MAR: that is not how it works my dude
Salman: "my dude" never heard that
MAR: yeah & you still haven't unless you read it aloud
Salman: I read it aloud now

Nick: I empathize with you
MAR: Me too. I empathize with me. That makes me a good person right?

I am an amalgam of cereal mascots being forced to watch paint dry in the ocean.

Check briefcases for baby bears & one day you will win ah PRIZE!

I place $1,000 dollar orders all the time. I'm like "hey you, give me $1,000 dollars!"

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 25-31, 2015

1. Put some candles on the ground at night so the falling snow can avoid falling on something that will injure it.
2. Use diced tomatoes as dice.
3. Break your poor friend's phone, laptop, or camera so they can finally justify an upgrade.
4. Save the world a wreck by not driving your motor vehicle for 17.9 years because statistically that is how often the average person has a wreck.
5. Tear a constipated person a new one.
6. Get a jump start on daylights saving time by setting all of the clocks at your work forward.
7. Crash birthday parties everyday to blow out the candles. Soon you'll have enough wish power to bring world peace.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 18-24, 2015

1. Start a beard farm but don't use fertilizer.
2. Sweet talk a bitter person until they become palatable.
3. Put googly eyes & mini-scarfs on stapler removers so they look less menacing.
4. Learn to juggle wads of gum.
5. Use chicken fingers to accuse people.. of being hungry.
6. At your local grocer replace the innards of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!®" containers with Swiss cottage cheese so some people can finally believe it's not butter!
7. Invite your friends on a staycation inside a wanted criminal's trunk.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 11-17, 2015

1. Sell decorated lizard tails to bobcats.
2. Stop refurbishing used caskets.
3. Body paint a blind person so they can finally experience art.
4. Go on a shopping spree for that special arachnid in your life.
5. If you are a homeowner invite the neighborhood kids over to write on your walls.
6. Buy a feather pillow then hire a forensics team to help you get the bird's remains back to his or her family.
7. Forget about angel food cake & try to make authentic angel hot wings.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 4-10, 2015

1. Regurgitate those puzzle pieces you've been eating out of spite.
2. Mail a traffic cone.
3. Counsel a wounded animal. A lot of them have parental abandonment issues.
4. Share your magic wand during lunch break.
5. Buy some hot wings & give them to an unattractive chicken.
6. Go to your doctor for a checkup.. on how he's doin'.
7. Donate a buttock to someone who tragically lma'od'ed.