Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Fornitude Flotsams: Enornal Thirtitood

You kids & your new age slang. Wait do those words mean "age?"

Wow all those people are getting in that VW bug! It is so small. I couldn't get in there because it is not my car & they don't know me.

I try to eat lettuce but only the lettuce I pay for or am given. I'm not a thief, I use my head when it comes to eating heads.

I saw him on my tv once. I was all like get off of my tv that is a flat-screen you cad! I was polite. I used lego curse words.

I wish I weren't made of Diet Crystal Pepsi 3000 as advertised in an alternate reality on the DuMont Television Network.

I don't like being censored. I never say anything censor worthy but still being cen***ed s**ks. W**t w*s t*at!? *hat *ust *ap*ene* t*e*e?

If I weren't a sentient skillet I would sue the farm for all of its bees. They'd have to catch them because it is not a bee farm.

I'm a rebel against languages. I refuse to learn most of them.

I've got a fire in my eye. I keep tryin' by cryin' to put it out.

I KILL plants for breakfast!! Look out!

I watch lots of hammers in case they are planning something..

I have 2 lions named Kid so I can say I have kids because I hateish goats & my kids don't like being sounded like they owned.

My opinion on Bronies? Brownies made by dudes is cool because usually women are the bakers.

I wore my teeth as mouth necklaces all summer long.

Gross income is gross because I should get all my money. They better stop taxing us when we all have jet packs since we won't need streets or schools anymore.

I fought my way up the stairs by stomping the steps' heads in.

Monday, October 27, 2014

+=- The Cop Show Without Guns

It's straight ahead if you turn in the right direction.

Mal-Ice:  are you in college?
MAR:  Only if I have a basement I don't know about.

I feel like an edge on an edge in a pool with floaties.

Forever is like now & later?
Pinata casket

The world is too bright to shine because of all the artificial lights.

Anyone ever notice that emoticons are always righty mouthed instead of lefty mouthed?
: )
( :
 : ( : Frown turned upsidedown?

It's like if lights were a snack.

Well bury me in skittles..

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of Oct. 26-Nov. 1, 2014

  1. Comment "lol" on someone's post *nudge, nudge*
  2. Take a shedding dog skydiving.
  3. Blow on the hot soup ordered by a table near you. Or better yet, organize a traveling soup cooling team.
  4. Donate your teeth for dentures.
  5. Give adults bags of candy on the 30th so they have some candy to give out to kids on the 31st.
  6. Leave flashlights on sidewalks for trick or treaters.
  7. Obey cheerleaders outside of sporting events by vocally encouraging animals you encounter.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of October 19-25, 2014

  1. Move a neighbor's trash can 1/7th closer to the curb each day so they'll never miss trash day.
  2. Pour glue on the sidewalk of the local drug house to help the cops succeed quicker in their next raid.
  3. Park someone's car 4.06400 centimeters closer to their door.
  4. Squeegee your uncle's watch.
  5. Put one shoe on your spouse while he or she is sleeping to help them get ready for work faster.
  6. Fill a friend's back pockets with pennies.
  7. Loosen the lids of all the pickle jars in the neighborhood.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

8 Ideas for Decorating Your Neighbor's Yard This Halloween

Decorating your neighbor's yard for Halloween is a trick & a treat, kindness & vandalism all rolled into one! Here are Eight Ideas for Decorating Your Neighbor's Yard This Halloween.

1. Drop 1,000s of spiders into your neighbor's front yard.
2. Hang any extra corpses you have in your neighbor's trees.
3. Bury your neighbor's deep freezer in their yard & crank it up to high to create a chilling fog.
4. Take a powerful flashlight & enact scary silhouettes onto your neighbor's bedroom window.
5. Find some stray black cats or boxed black kittens & feed them daily on your neighbor's front porch.
6. Instead of donating blood extract a pint yourself & use it to write threatening messages on the front of your neighbor's house & if you can get to it, their bathroom mirrors.
7. Borrow the tombstones of your neighbor's great great great grandparents to place in their grass.
8. Thaw your week's meat on their walkway.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of October 12-18, 2014

  1. Remove 26 fallen leaves from your neighbor's yard.
  2. Go to your sister's house at night regularly to trim her split ends while she is asleep.
  3. Replace a sheet of paper with a real bookmark.
  4. Hack into someone's Facebook account & correct alls of the grammatical errors in, their recent status.. updats.
  5. Listen in on conversations & interject "spoiler alert" whenever necessary.
  6. Refill someone's can of soda 1/9th of the way.
  7. Pre-crack some eggs.

Friday, October 3, 2014

2 Ultra-Rare Modest Skeletons

1. She has the backbone to cover up her backbone.

2. The only organ this guy likes to show off is his 1965 Hammond B3.