Monday, May 2, 2016

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Dresser drawers organized from top of body down:
Windex flavored chainmails
Vampire Capes
Fishnet Cummerbunds
Government Issued Chaps
Porcelain Dress Socks
(Warning! System does not work for overalls, underalls, or floor length neck ruffs.)

Natural Grease
Who needs hair gel when you've got natural grease? Use it to fix squeaky doors (please do not get hair stuck in door hinge).
Get my new book "Harnessing the power of your natural grease."
Follow my 2 step guide:
1. Skip Showers.
2. Put meat on yo head.

Windows on Windows
I don't care about the Apple Watch or the Google Glass. I'm still waiting for Microsoft Windows on my actual windows.

It'll tell you what breed of dog walks by, keep an Excel spreadsheet of what time the mailman comes. You can display a wallpaper to let you feel like you live in a better neighborhood.

Eventually you can upgrade to the touch screendoor, which I think would actually be easier to create because it's got the pixel squares already built in.

Nights of the Week:

Ghost Sheet Scariness Countdown:
4. Flowery Sheet
3. Polka dot sheet
2. Plain white sheet
1. Soiled white sheet

Cool Names:
Greg Gary
Dede Dea
Charlie Lee
Leon Aerol (Lee on a roll)
Hiya Heyman

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