Monday, March 20, 2017

Spring Cleaning Checklist (So can you?)

Alphabetize peanuts based on shape
Sandblast television
Find missing giant banana that was in the tuba
Pluck cactus leash
Dust inside of milk cartons
Wash soap with better soap
Paint fake tunnels around nail holes to fool insects
Polish closet floors
Shake out pitted olives
Water light bulbs so they'll become light flowers
Replace battery in Power Wheels get-away tractor
Put wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man on top of chimney
Use garbage disposal to get rid of excess sand
Chronologize Cheerios™ based on tint
Waterproof Hi-C® cellar
Flatten bowls to use as plates
Sharpen cheeses
Deep clean unused copy paper
Disinfect collection of rare, incurable diseases
Knock out exterior bathroom wall to air out shower & tub.
Donate used toilet brush
Mop paintings
Unclog main electrical line
Throw out expired Kevlar®
Ride in the dryer on high heat to remove that stubborn belly button lint
Rotate your drains
Moisturize baguette bench
Shine life-sized Cerebro replica
Delouse coconuts with coconut oil
Binge on expired vitamins & medications
Destroy spider habitats
Dehinge rinds
Remove grill marks from grill
Luge the gutters
Trim the squirrels
Kool-Aid the sprinklers
Uproot talons
Fold the straitjackets to make them sound oxymoronic
Reseal the ice cubes & ice rhombohedrons

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