YOU ARE NORMAL IF..

YOU ARE NORMAL IF..

You don't like selling your soul but you do like selling your unused exercise equipment.

You don't like being driven crazy but you do like being driven to the donut shop.

You don't like biting the dust but you do like biting fresh fruit.

You don't like throwing in the towel but you do like throwing in the first pitch at a major league baseball game.

You don't like the smell of defeat but you do like the smell of fresh baked bread.

You don't like being caught on fire but you do like being caught while jumping out of a window to escape from a fire.

You don't like paying taxes but you do like paying for goods & services of your choice.

You don't like being cut from the team but you do like being cut from a giant alien's spider web.

You don't like picking up the check but you do like picking up your favorite pet.

You don't like passing a golden opportunity but you do like passing people with golden teeth.

You don't like feeling sad but you do like feeling things to know you still have a sense of touch.

You don't like eating out of the trash but you do like eating pre-trash.

You don't like mailing threatening letters but you do like mailing birthday cards.

You don't like wasting time but you do like wasting waste.

You don't like being called yellow but you do like being called on the phone by your best friend.

You don't like losing your mind but you do like losing the maniac who is vehicularly chasing you.

You don't like having your pants fall down in public but you do like having your pants fall down while testing the consistency of earth's gravity to keep you from being paranoid about your car floating away on your morning commute to work.

You don't like waiting at the doctor's office but you do like waiting for meat to be thoroughly cooked.

You don't like seeing doctors play god but you do like seeing doctors play hopscotch.

You don't like facing your fears but you do like facing your television while watching it instead of having all of your furniture facing the opposite direction.

You don't like arrogant people but you do like feeling superior to arrogant people.

You don't like hearing about a tragedy but you do like hearing your favorite tune.

You don't like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some turbulence" but you do like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some nacho surplus."