1. Can or Do you
still play twister?
No,
my feet are colorblind
2. What's your
favourite pizza topping?
Several
other supreme pizzas
3. How many pairs of
shoes do you own?
Shoes
come in pairs now?
4. Do you have any
pets?
Yes
all peeves
5. What would your
hero name be?
Graffie
Zeppie
6. What would your
hero outfit be?
A
clear plastic portable closet
7. What would you do
if you won the lottery?
Buy
a million people lottery tickets & hope the winner shares the money with me
8. Which form of
public transport do you prefer?
tribunal
cycle
9. Are you psychic
in any way?
I
knew you were going to ask me that.
10. Are you a good
dancer?
Yeah
I donate my dances to the homeless to help them busk
11. Have you ever
been bungee jumping?
I used a bungee cord as a jump rope and that
counts!
12. Where would your
dream holiday be?
One
where teleportation is the travel method.
13. Can you tap
dance?
Sure
what do you want me to tell it after I get its attention?
14. What's your
favourite film?
Soup
15. What's your
favourite alcoholic drink?
Mixed
drinks are the only drinks that drink alcohol.. and just because a drink gets
drunk doesn't mean it's an alcoholic.
16. What's your
favourite boyband?
Cummerbund
17. If you could go
back in time to change one thing what would it be?
I
would make it so time machines would be invented earlier
18. How many hats do
you own?
None.
I believe in the inherent autonomy of cranial accessories
19. Are you any good
at pool?
I
can barely swim
20. Have you ever
been admitted to hospital?
Not
that I'll admit.
21. Have you ever
had any brushes with the law?
What
is that? A new way of doing coke?
22. Have you ever
been on TV?
Back
in the tube days, when a man could choose to sit on a tv.
23. Have you ever
met any celebrities?
Can
you meet yourself?
24. Have you ever
been to Legoland?
If
you count the crappy empty square replica I made myself, yes.
25. Have you ever
done something heroic?
I've
spoken in a heroic tone.
26. Have you ever
played a practical joke on anyone?
All
jokes are practical because laughter is the best medicine.
27. Do you prefer
baths or showers?
For
babies I like both
28. What colour
socks are you wearing?
Underwear
color is private
29. Would you like
to be a big celebrity?
Of
course, I'd hate to lose weight just to become famous
30. Would you ever
go on Big Brother?
No,
but maybe while I was a baby when he changed my diaper I went on him
31. How big is your
TV?
Pends
on how big I write it.
32. What type of
music do you like?
The
outgoing type, shy music is not easy to hear.
33. How big is your
house?
It's
AS BIG AS A HOUSE!
34. Do you prefer
sunrises or sunsets?
There's
a difference?
35. What do you
typically have for breakfast?
The
usual
36. Do you like
scary movies?
I
hate the smell of burning celluloid.
37. How long can you
balance on one foot?
Depends
on how long the person's foot can handle the pain of me standing on it.
38. Have you ever
fired a gun?
Yeah,
the poor guy, it was two days before his retirement
39. What's your
favourite clean word?
spick
(without span because spickets bring you water)
40. What's your
favourite swear word?
pact
41. What's your
least favourite word?
less,
& surprisingly (to you) least is my second least favorite word
42. What's the
longest you've gone without sleep?
30+
hours but I plan on breaking that record after I die
43. What's the
tallest building you've ever been up?
Not
sure, maybe I've been in buildings that have 90 stories buried deep below, like
a library that buries its old books.
44. If you could
change anything about yourself what would it be?
The
clothes, because I change those anyway
45. Would you rather
trade some intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?
Whose?
46. Have you ever
tie-dyed your own clothes?
No
I can't get any dye out of my tie, stupid thing!
47. Are you
reliable?
If
I have to procrastinate before answering that means no right?
48. Are you proud of
yourself?
Yes,
yourself is a wonderful word.
49. Have you ever
had a secret admirer
Secret
is in the name, How would I know? HOW would I know?
50. If you could ask
your future self one question what would it be?
What
is the answer to that question about what question I would ask you? I can't
think of one… yet. Crud you still haven't thought of one? It's been forty
years!
51. Do you hold
grudges?
Depends
on how much you pay me.
52. If you could
breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature what new animal would you
create?
I'd
rather do it in a lab than have them make whoopee.
53. Do you decorate
the outside of your house for Christmas?
No,
I've learned that when it comes to homes, it's what's on the inside that
counts.
54. Are you much of
a gambler?
I
bet I'm not.
55. Are you much of
a daredevil?
I'm
more of a truthdevil.
56. Are you a good
liar?
That's
an oxymoron
57. Are you any good
at charades?
Permit
me to demonstrate my answer..
58. How long could
you go without talking?
….
59. Have you ever
sleepwalked?
No.
I only sleep luge.
60. Can you play
poker?
Only
the fireplace kind.
61. What
traditionally adorns the top of your Christmas tree?
Space
62. Can you
impersonate anyone famous?
Not
without lawyers getting involved.
63. What's your
favourite accent?
Is
umlaut an accent?
64. What do you like
on your toast?
Not
crackers that's for soiten
65. Do you prefer
liquid soap or bars of soap?
I
like prison bars of soap
66. How do you have
your eggs?
I
don't produce eggs.
67. What's your
favourite saying?
"I
can't say."
68. Can you stand on
your hands unassisted?
Yeah
I can bend over that far
69. What do you have
on your fridge door?
Edible
magnets
70. Do you love or
hate Myspace?
I
think everyone is entitled to their own space
71. What's your most
expensive piece of clothing?
The
torso part?
72. Have you ever
bought anything from ebay?
That's
a unique accent you have!
73. Can you blow
bubbles with bubblegum?
Yeah
& non-bubble gum too, OOOH
74. Can you curl
your tongue?
I
don't know enough about the sport of curling to know if that requires me to
have my tongue cut out or not. With the ice I think no.
75. Is your
bellybutton an innie or outie?
I've
never heard it speak so it must be an introvert.
76. Have you ever
owned a yo-yo?
Yo
77. Have you ever
been on a pogo stick?
No
go on the pogo
78. Have you ever
accidentally injured anyone?
No
but I made it look like an accident.
79. Have you ever
been banned from a public place?
Yeah
but because of me it's not public anymore.
80. How much spam
email do you tend to get a week?
Amazingly
SPAM® has never sent me an email. I hear their knewsletter comes out an absurd
amount of times per week.
81. As a kid were
you ever frighted of a monster under the bed or in the cupboard?
No,
my monster slept in the top bunk.
82. Are you a clean
or messy person?
…….mes…sy……
(the dots are crumbs)
83. What's your
preferred playing piece in monopoly?
I
like the car because it can run over the dog then we can barter to close the
lawsuit.
84. Have you ever
entered a talent contest?
As
a surprise judge. The non-surprise judges didn't like my talent of being
judgmental.
85. Are you a bad
loser?
Aren't
all losers bad, that's why they lose right?
86. What's your
favourite type of Pie?
That
preference is proximity based.
87. What's your
favourite board game?
Whittling
88. Do you have much
of an ego?
Yeah
but I'm borrowing it
89. What's your
favourite supermarket chain?
The
one that keeps the carts from rolling into the street
90. What's your
favourite fast-food chain?
I
wish sandwiches came with locks
91. What's your
favourite type of tree?
The
one that made my floor. I love that my floor happens while I'm standing.
92. If you could
bankrupt one person or company who would it be?
Parker
Brothers because they have a monopoly on the game Monopoly®.
93. Are you good at
keeping secrets?
Wouldn't
you like to know?
94. Would you ever
want to learn to fly?
I'd
like to ply a flain
95. Have you ever
milked a cow?
Only
through blackmail.
96. What's the
cleverest word you know?
Smarty
because it's smart enough to wear pants unlike all the other words. Put some
pants on Lugubrious! No one wants to see your dangling lower case g.
97. Have you ever
wielded a sword?
I
tried but the sword was so big it was unwielding (aka I was too weak).
98. If you were
famous would you want a statue or a building named after you?
A
building shaped like a statue.
99. Which do you
prefer pony tails or pig tails?
On
the animals themselves, for comedy, pig tails, for decency, pony tails
100. What's the
ultimate cake topping?
Pie
that dissolves the cake under it
101. Have you ever
used the yellow pages?
I've
used white pages as tp creating yellow pages
102. If you have an
mp3 player what size is it?
13
Wide
103. Do you talk to
yourself?
Not
since the incident
104. Do you know any
identical twins?
Maybe,
if the world is mostly twins & they're all pranking me by only showing up
one at a time.
105. Could you ever
be a medical Guinea pig?
No,
medical people would figure out real quick that I'm human
106. What's your
favourite letter of the Alphabet?
ZZZZZZ..
sorry fell asleep there. What was the question?
107. What are
cooler? Dinosaurs or Dragons?
Dinosaurs
because they don't breathe fire fool
108. Do you know
CPR?
No.
What is that a CCR cover band?
109. Have you ever
cheated at a test?
Yeah
my driver's test. I used a stunt butt.
110. Are you a
gossip?
I
don't know, what have you heard!?
111. Do you always
wear identical socks?
Yeah
& they're bitter about it
112. Do you like the
sound of music?
I
prefer to taste it. I have great musical taste.
113. Have you ever
made your own orange juice?
Does
tang count? It's orange.
114. Do you like
long or short hair?
In
my soup, short.
115. Have you ever
walked into a wall?
If
doorways count
116. What's your
favourite precious stone?
I
don't know, the necklace she wore?
117. Could you ever
hunt your own meal?
If
I was eating a gunless robot filled with candy.
118. Do you prefer
vertical or horizontal stripes?
Diagonal
stripes, it’s the best of both!
119. Can you name
all 50 American states?
Yes,
if by name you mean rename. North Vigoda here I come!
120. Have you ever
owned a goldfish?
Nope
just silverfish for me :(
121. Have you ever
passed wind in an embarrassing situation?
You
can't pass wind, wind passes you.
122. Have you ever
played the bongos?
Yes
that time bongos were bogo.
123. Have you ever
assembled furniture by yourself?
Yeah,
I lead a million Ottoman march on Fantasia
124. Do you have a
favourite mug?
I
did but it was shot.
125. Do you know any
self-defense or martial arts?
I've
got plenty of defense mechanisms. I'm like a self-defense machine in that
regard.
126. Do you collect
anything?
No
just certain things.
127. Is there
anything you wished would come back into fashion?
Fashion
not mattering
128. Do you stick to
conventional fashions or like to try and be original?
Conventional?
You mean like cosplay or you are you talking like a yarn convention or
something?
129. Have you ever
given someone a handmade present?
Does
a rabbit's foot count?
130. Are you
introvert or extrovert?
I'm
more introhoriz than introvert.
131. If you could
have any feature from an animal what would you want?
Lucky
rabbit's feet of course
132. Have you ever
had a disastrous interview?
Yeah
interviewing that dancing bear was a terrible idea.
133. Have you ever
worn clothing with the labels/tags still attached?
Yeah
those chumps are really clingy
134. If you saw
someone drop a $10 note, would you claim it for your own or try to return it to
them?
I'd
ask for half & provide exact change.
135. Have you ever
helped someone across the road?
Yes,
by "nudging" them repeatedly with my bumper.
136. Have you ever
been horse-riding?
Yes,
if you mean the horse riding me.
137. Have you ever
walked a tightrope?
I
walked a looserope, it is much more danerouser.
138. Do you have any
family heirlooms?
This
isn't 'ot 6 people don't use looms anymore!
139. Do you throw
bread for ducks?
Yeah
but no one ever throws me ducks back.
140. Are you any
good at egg and spoon races?
Yeah
I always win unless the egg is hatched down a chute
141. Are you tired
of answering questions yet?
From
this list no, from life in general, yes
142. Do you ever
forward or reply to chain mails?
I
would if I met a talking chain mail
143. Do you often
have a tune in your head you can't name?
Yeah,
legally they won't let me rename it, even though I had nothing to do with it.
Thanks a lot Warner/Chappell!
144. What do you do
to keep fit?
Throw
hissy fits. Hissing is the best breathing for cardio.
145. Are you the
sort to step in and try to break up a fight?
Yep,
it's the one way I can shove people without them getting mad at me.
146. Have you ever
started a rumor?
No,
I've never been popular enough to do that.
147. Have you ever
been in or had a food fight?
I
fight food all the time, it's called Kung Food.
148. Have you ever
tried to make your own alcohol?
Yeah
but I failed & my wound ended up being fatal.
149. If you invented
a monster what would you call it?
The
Semi-Annual Sordaspookster.
150. Is it criminal
to wear socks with sandals?
Maybe
in some beachern countries
151. If you were
captain of a ship, what would you call it?
Captain
Ship, The Sentient Boat that winces in pain when you walk on its deck.
152. If you were to
join an emergency service which would it be?
Emergency
Party Hats
153. If you were to
join one of the armed forces which would it be?
The
one where they give you 4 roboarms.
154. If you could
have a full scholarship to any university what would you choose to study?
The
tastes of foods
155. What movie
ending really frustrated you? And how would you change it?
I
hate most modern movie endings because the copyright years at the end of the
credits don't use Roman Numerals anymore!!
156. If you had a
warning label, what would yours say?
Toxic
gas or Walking Non-Sequitur
157. Have you ever
got sweet revenge on anyone?
No
I keep my sweet revenge in a thermos, I never spill it.
158. Have you ever
been to a live concert?
No,
all the concerts I've been to were prerecorded.
159. Have you ever
needed stitches?
Yeah,
clothes ARE a need.
160. Do your dreams
ever tell you to do anything?
I
wish they'd tell me to get more sleep.
161. What's the best
way to your heart?
Vena
cavas
162. Do you know
your own mobile phone number by heart?
No,
it's my brain that knows it.
163. Have you ever
been in a submarine?
I've
been in a submarine sandwich, rookie cannibals need to stop trying to eat so
fresh.
164. What's your
favourite nursery rhyme?
Cursory
165. Who's your
favourite leader of all time?
There
haven't been any leaders that lasted through all time.
166. What's your
favourite farmyard animal?
If
I like armadillo milk does that make it a farmyard animal?
167. How high can
you jump?
13,000
feet because I'm counting jumping OUT of a plane.
168. Have you ever
got majorly lost trying to get somewhere?
No,
I don't know anyone named Majorly.
169. How fast can
you say the alphabet?
A
fifth of a second, it's just two words.
170. Do you say
"Zee" or "Zed" to describe the letter Z?
This
whole time I thought it was inaudible!
171. What was the
last thing to make you feel happy?
The
guy who made me feel the texture of his inspirational woodcarvings.
172. What was the
last thing to make you feel angry?
This
question because it reminded me that anger exists.
173. Are you the
kind of friend you'd want to have as a friend yourself?
Of
course, that is why I think.
174. Do you have any
questions or queries about things you're just too scared or embarrassed to ask
anyone about?
What
is this an ad for Google?
175. Can you roll
your R's?
"Joke"
about rolling physical R's somewhere
176. Do you know any
magic tricks?
Silly
rabbit, it's Lucky Charms that are magically delicious.
177. What's the
largest amount of money you've ever won?
I
won 3,000 in a robbery… because I stopped it, yeah that's it.
178. Do you prefer
Honey or Jam?
Jam,
because, I mean, honey is totally sweet, but jam rocks!
179. How fast can
you get changed?
I'm
not sure what my cell regeneration rate is, you nerd!
180. How fast do you
type?
90WPM
but I stereotype even faster
181. Which is
better, Mario or Sonic?
As
a child's name.. Sonic.
182. Which would you
rather have if you had to, a broken leg or a broken arm?
A
broken leg because it would mean I did good at showbiz.
183. Have you ever
had anything published?
I
got my obituary published when I faked my death! Yeah!
184. Do you believe
in love at first sight?
Babies
probably love their mommas when they first see them.
185. How many remote
controls do you have in your house?
That's
oxymoronic. My house is not remote thus all the controls in it are near
controls.
186. Have you ever
been in a hot tub or sauna?
I'm
not microwaved leftovers why would I ever be in a hot tub?
187. Have you ever
had chicken pox?
No,
those pox were brave & very social because they spread to everyone I've
ever known & ever will meet.
188. What words do
you always struggle to spell correctly?
Oh
you want me to type them? You're sick!
189. If you
discovered a new species of dinosaur what would you call it?
Impostorsaurus
190. If you could
have any celebrity's hair who's would it be?
The
baldies because that's yuck I don't want to collect hair.
191. Who would you
want to be with on a desert island?
A
snowman because he'd keep me cool.. Aww crap he melted.
Solarpoweredrefidgeratorman, or whatever boat is alive that could take me home.
192. If you could
change your name to anything what would your new name be?
Anything.
You gave me no other choice!
193. Have you ever
planted a tree?
No
but I planted a kiss on one. Tree huggers aren't dedicated enough!
194. What's the
heaviest thing you can lift?
My
ego
195. What was the
last present you received?
This
moment
196. What was your
first alcoholic drink?
I've
never brewed anything.
197. Have you ever
carved a pumpkin?
No,
whittling sticks aren't thick enough to approximate a pumpkin.
198. If you were a
giant mega monster what city would you rampage?
Whichever
one has the tastiest people.
199. Did you ever
have a treehouse as a kid?
I
mean one of the building materials was wood, so I guess so. Like, I wasn't
living in a bunker.
200. If you could
replace one body part with a super bionic replacement what body part and what
features would the new bionic replacement have?
Wisk
fingers
201. Teenage
parents, good bad or indifferent?
Of
course they're indifferent, they're teenagers.
202. What's the most
expensive thing you've ever broken?
A
heart
203. Pirate
downloads, good or bad?
They've
gotta get it on their boat somehow
204. Do you have to
wear glasses?
No,
I have hands for carrying my drinks.
205. Would you
rather be the world's greatest football player or lover?
Lover
because I'll never have to retire from it.
206. Do you have a
list of things to do before you're 'x' years old?
I'm
past 10 bud.
207. What are
better, violins or pianos?
Pianos
because they are better at storing strong cheeses
208. If you could
see any band, which would you like to see?
I'd
rather hear them but whatever.
209. What would you
say is your favourite album of all time?
The
one with my kids' pictures in it
210. How much would
it cost to buy your love?
My
plutonic love is always for rent.
211. Have you
already thought about your babies names?
Yeah,
that's why they have names.
212. Have you ever
been fishing?
For
compliments
213. What makes you
nostalgic?
Thinking
about the future.
214. What's the
scariest thing you've ever done?
Bugabuga! Gotcha! There it was!
215. If you had to
describe yourself as a flavour, what would it be?
The
sponge that cleaned the soft serve machine.
216. Do you wear
sunglasses indoors to look cool or stylish?
They
have outdoors now?
217. Do you have any
superstitions?
"I'm
afraid not."